


Unauthorized Caulk

by Sath



Series: Fools Barge In [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, Bureaucracy, Humor, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3370280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sath/pseuds/Sath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bard's shipping paperwork is never in order. Or, Bard and Thranduil keep coming up with ridiculous reasons to have sex with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unauthorized Caulk

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, I couldn't resist writing that sequel to [Taking Licenses](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3275807) after all.

Thranduil had been avoiding his office since the ending of the Second Age. He was so regular in his habits that he had briefly forgotten his desk was carved into the likeness of a recumbent elk, with correspondence neatly sorted in its antlers. Legolas did paperwork with a rare zeal, but Thranduil’s recent sensual encounter with licensing had necessitated a brief return to his kingly duties.

“Your barge is not up to code,” Thranduil said with his most severe tone, looking down at the notes he had discreetly written inside his sleeve. “You have numerous moving violations, an entirely insufficient number of floatation devices, and are using an unauthorized type of caulk. The motion to renew your license has been denied.”

Bard graciously attempted to appear outraged. “There was nothing wrong with the caulk I used before.”

Thranduil held up a hand to his mouth until he composed himself. Where had Bard learned to bluff with such a straight face? “Indeed. But the regulations have changed. I’m willing to receive oral arguments, if given respectfully – on your knees.”

“My lord, that is unethical,” Bard said, approaching Thranduil nonetheless.

“I am a king, Bargeman. I determine what is ethical.”

Leaning back on the elken desk, Thranduil undid the fasteners of his coat while Bard genuflected with attractive insolence.  “What would it take to get you to lower your tariffs?” he asked, opening the fall of Thranduil’s breeches with coarse fingers. It took Thranduil a few moments to understand what Bard was even saying, distracted as he was with Bard’s hands bringing him to half-hardness.

“Swallowing,” Thranduil replied.

“That would be humiliating,” said Bard, his voice making it very clear that he felt otherwise. He drew his tongue along the underside of Thranduil’s erection, forcing a harsh inhale from him before closing his lips around the head. Bard kept his eyes locked on Thranduil’s as he gradually took him deeper, his mouth all the better for the lack of practice – Thranduil could feel Bard’s teeth and his slow struggle to relax his throat. He fisted one hand in Bard’s thick hair, using the other to pull Bard’s collar open wider, exposing the flexing muscles of his shoulder as he stroked himself inside his breeches. Bard’s mustache scraped at Thranduil’s skin, a sensation he’d never thought he’d want. As Thranduil dragged his nails along Bard’s jawline, Bard’s lips reached the base of his cock and his eyes fluttered closed. Thranduil allowed himself to breathe deeply, his gaze roaming over the white strands threaded through Bard’s hair, another telling reminder that they were far from equals. He felt himself edging closer to completion as Bard sucked more eagerly, moaning as he did. Thranduil came with a cut-off gasp, releasing into Bard’s mouth. Bard swallowed everything, licking even the last of his spend from his erection. Resting his cheek against Thranduil’s clothed thigh, Bard brought himself off with a few rough jerks while Thranduil pressed his thumb against Bard’s slickened lips.

“Your tariffs are reduced,” Thranduil said, reassembling his dignity.

“Truly?” Bard replied with a pleased grin.

“Of course not, that’d hardly be fair.”

Bard got to his feet and wiped his mouth. “I did have to try.”

“It was laudable. Here’s your new barge license.” Thranduil grabbed one of the papers on the desk, skimming over it only briefly to see that he wasn’t writing over some forgotten directions from Elrond. He wrote a brief note saying ‘return in a week’ and pressed it into Bard’s hands, noticing for the first time that it was originally a letter from Dáin II.

 Bard saluted him with the paperwork and walked out with a notable swagger.


End file.
